Adoptee REMEMBRANCE Day

Written By Janet Nordine MS LMFT, RPT-S, RST

Some time ago, my friend Pamela Karanova shared an idea that really touched my heart.

October 30, 2020 would be known as Adoptee Remembrance Day.

At first, I was not sure what this day meant of what would be done, I just knew it would be important.

Then, as I began to read about the reasons this day was being started, I began to understand more fully what this day would mean to adoptees and, hopefully, to the many who love us. There is an Agenda for today. Please participate.

Here are some facts:

Adoptees are at a greater risk of attempting suicide – The odds of a reported suicide attempt were ∼4 times greater in adoptees compared with non-adoptees – National Center for Biotechnology Information

Children who are adopted die by *filicide by the very people who promised to protect them. (*the murder of a child by a parent, regardless of the genetic connection). In the article Mothers Who Kill Children They Have Adopted, author Katherine E. SUnder, M.A. writes, “The act of filicide creates multiple victims beyond the child that is killed” pg 52.

Here is a list of Adoptees killed in adopted families. Look at the faces. Say their names. ALL OF THEM WERE PRECIOUS HUMAN BEINGS WHOSE LIVES WERE TAKEN.

Adoptees are at higher risk of substance abuse due to the Trauma of adoption. “Children of adoption are inherently at a higher risk of addiction due to their adoptive status alone; additional trauma (abuse, post-traumatic stress from accidents or disasters, separation from family, etc.) amplifies this risk further.” Addiction and the Adopted Child

WE MUST REMEMBER.

WE MUST EDUCATE OURSELVES.

WE MUST PAY ATTENTION.

As a Therapist working within the foster care system and with adopted children and their families, I see all the sides of adoption.

I have seen children become part of families after being in the foster care system for years.

I have also seen children RETURNED to foster care after being adopted due to the parents inability to parent the child. Often, these parents will say, “Our lives were turned upside down by this child,” and “We thought our love would be enough.”

These re-relinquished or re-abandoned children become so hard to the world. They often have closed off their hearts in order to NEVER be hurt again. I have looked into their eyes and felt their unexpressed pain. I have been witness to their rage and their aggression. I have sat with them after they have heard the devastating news of “going back to the system.” Sometimes there are tears. Sometimes there is silence. Sometimes there is an uttered sentence, something like, “I knew they would give me back.”

We must do better for the children of today who are being adopted. We must find a way to LOWER the percentage of adoptees who choose to die by suicide than to live another day. We must find a way to keep children with their parents, to preserve the family and help the parents succeed.

ALL Therapists must view Adoption as Trauma. They must become Trauma AND Adoption competent, as well as compassionate.

We must find a way to support adult adoptees in their search for their own stories. Please, give us this dignity and open OUR records.

We must not continue to force society’s social construct narrative of “grateful and lucky and blessed and God’s plan” upon the adoptee. Just stop.

On this day, October 30, 2020, I, Janet Nordine, remember those Human Beings who were Adopted, and who’s lives have ended. May they finally have peace and know pure love.

We must remember.

We must Listen more closely.

WE MUST LOVE BIGGER

This post is dedicated to my sister, Sarah, who was an adoptee and gone too soon.

Janet Nordine MS LMFT, RPT-S, RST
Janet Nordine, MS, LMFT, RPT-S™, RST

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist | Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor™ | Registered Sand Therapist | AAMFT Approved Supervisor

Janet Nordine is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor™, Registered Sand Therapist, and owner of Experience Courage Therapy and Consultation / Las Vegas Play Therapy in Las Vegas, Nevada. With more than 20 years of experience in social services and mental health, Janet works with children, adolescents, adults, parents, and families navigating trauma, anxiety, attachment and relationship challenges, identity, grief and loss, and the lifelong complexities of adoption.

Janet has a particular passion for working with members of the adoption constellation across the lifespan. As both an adoption-focused therapist and an adult adoptee, she brings professional expertise alongside a deep respect for the complexity of adoption, including experiences of belonging, identity, attachment, origin loss, grief, reunion, rejection, and the search for meaning. Her work honors the truth that adoption can hold many experiences at once and that each person's story deserves curiosity rather than assumption.

Janet’s clinical foundation is rooted in Gestalt Play Therapy, attachment theory, interpersonal neurobiology, and relational and experiential approaches to healing. She integrates play therapy, sandtray therapy, expressive arts, LEGO®, EMDR, Synergetic Play Therapy, Theraplay principles, and Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI®) according to the developmental and relational needs of each client. She believes therapy is not simply about reducing symptoms; it is about creating a relationship in which people can safely explore their experiences, reconnect with themselves, and discover new possibilities.

Janet is a Certified Synergetic Play Therapist, is trained in EMDR, and is a TBRI® Practitioner. She has completed Level One Theraplay training and advanced training in using EMDR and sandtray with children and adults. She is also faculty with the West Coast Institute for Gestalt Therapy with Children and Adolescents.

In addition to her clinical practice, Janet is committed to supporting the next generation of therapists. As an AAMFT Approved Supervisor and Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor™, she provides clinical supervision, play therapy supervision, consultation, and professional development for therapists and interns. Her approach to supervision emphasizes curiosity, authenticity, ethical practice, clinical competence, and the development of the therapist's own therapeutic voice.

Janet is also a presenter and educator who has taught locally, nationally, and internationally on play therapy, trauma, attachment, adoption, therapist development, and the therapeutic relationship. She believes strongly in the importance of the self of the therapist and in creating spaces where clinicians can remain grounded in sound theory while continuing to grow into who they uniquely are as therapists.

At the heart of Janet's work is a simple belief: healing happens in relationship. People do not need to perform, have the right words, or arrive in therapy already knowing what needs to change. Whether working with a six-year-old in the playroom, an adult sitting beside a sandtray, a parent trying to understand their child, or a therapist finding their professional voice, Janet seeks to create a space where people can experience curiosity, connection, courage, and belonging.

Janet is a lifelong Las Vegan and the founder of Las Vegas Play Therapy. Outside of the therapy room, she enjoys live theater, traveling, LEGO® projects, British mysteries, cheering for the Vegas Golden Knights, and exploring the ever-changing Las Vegas food scene.

https://www.experiencecourage.com
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